As I send my 7 year old out into the multi-cultural, multi-aged, two-gendered world of "play with your friends", my final instructions to her are always, "Above all else - be kind." And that's the boiled down version of the lengthy discussions on "don't be bossy", "take turns picking the game", "Even if everyone else is making fun - you don't make fun", "Even if someone is being mean - you don't be mean back"... "Above all else - be kind". I expect her to fail at that more often than not, just as I do. I will ever remind her of it, because I know it is her heart's desire. When she is pushed and every fiber of her being says "push back - harder", perhaps I can be the voice in her head telling her "Above all else - be kind"; not because I want her to be easily manipulated or a push over, but because I don't want her to do something she'll regret IF I can help it. I wan't her to stand up for herself, I want her to form her own opinions and voice them, I want her to be strong, but none of that at the expense of someone else. I want her to stand up for herself and pull the other guy up with her as well; I want her to form and voice her own opinions in a way that instructs with an overabundance of resources, sources, and information but does not belittle; I want her to be strong because she's made every effort to make sure those around her have also been strengthened. Will I be disappointed when she falls down and chooses not to keep herself in check every once and awhile? Ashamedly, yes... but only because I have failed to see how often my heavenly Father has looked past my stumbling to the next lesson... never for a moment taking the time to point His finger at me in disapproval. If He can do that with me, I am forever encouraged to do that for her. Correct her path unwaveringly, but not give her a feeling of hopelessness.
As I sit here waiting for the bottom layer to dry on a canvas, I'm collecting all of my weightier thoughts from this last week such as "What's my purpose?" "How can I make a difference?" "Will I be successful at something?" "There's so many in need, and I want to be a part of the solution, but how?" To the simpler thoughts of "I have so much joy in my life." "I am so grateful for my family, friends, home, income..." to the paintings I've enjoyed painting and practicing on even if they are still not the envisioned masterpiece brushed on with great ease and the mellow attitude of highly intoxicated French art-eeest, but more the "Hey, you can barely see that huge mistake. Nice." And I think of the overly common phrase "Find joy in the journey"... Which is really a guaranteed failure if not given with the broader instruction: "Don't give up. Keep hoping. Keep dreaming. Be grateful. Don't blame or shame, just learn. Never look back, except for perspective purposes. You never know what tomorrow will bring - it could be exactly what you've been looking for. And if you do all of that - you will be able to find 'joy in the journey'". This next painting is something I've never tried before and if it doesn't work out you won't hear about it most likely - goodness knows, I'm not THAT humble;) - but I am excited to try it because it doesn't require any distinction in depth, no proper placement of items to give the right scope to the landscape. I am excited about this because it is something I really struggle with as I don't have good depth perception at all. Driving with me is a real delight; playing "catch" with me is better referred to as playing "pick-up" (which doesn't quite have the same enticing ring to it, oddly enough...). But painting has helped me practice at my perception of depth, and working at it always reminds me of my earliest memory of practicing my perception of depth and it involved stairs... It was before I was school age, but old enough to walk and I remember these wooden stairs in our house so vividly... their dark brown chipping paint, the railing barely within reach, the cold hard concrete at the bottom, the one 40 watt lightbulb dimly lighting the 12 to 14 stairs and that was only if someone had left it on, because I wasn't tall enough to reach the switch... I remember falling down those stairs EVERY time I tried to descend them, so much so that I remember being at the top and thinking a small child's version of "The only way I ever make it down these stairs is by falling, so... away we go". And eventually ... now you're hoping I say, "Eventually I learned how walk down them without falling", but that sadly isn't the case.... no, eventually I learned that crying at the bottom just took up time. The pain became predictable and therefore manageable. That's life. It's going to hurt a little bit and maybe even A LOT. Over time I became tall enough to grasp the railing to the stairs with both hands... But those stairs taught me a very important lesson: they were never going to change, I had to adapt. I had to get smarter, stronger, braver, and never give up.
So to wrap up these acrobatic contortions of my ever evolving thoughts on life and learning, I will say: we'll stumble and fail - you can count on it; we may or may not be successful, but we will keep getting up every day, because you just never know; life will never get easy; but no matter what above all else - we will be kind.
I hope this blog finds you practicing at something you love, just because you love it. And if you don't have anything (legal;) that you enjoy doing, I hope you find someone who is practicing at something they love and you practice right along with them, just for the sheer energy involved in having a "passion". Happy practicing!!
*The above paintings are the 'dot paintings' I was working on at the time of writing this. I hope to do a 'tips and tricks for dot painting' blog soon.
